Under the influence

I've been meaning to put a list of the stupid things I've done whilst under the influence of sleep deprivation together for a while now but, ironically, I've been too tired. However, today - with eye lids fully open -  I've managed to collate these little gems in the hope that other equally sleepy mums will be reassured that we are zombies together. All for one and one for all (* zombie growl*).


- Making orange squash with milk.  Trust me, water is better.

- Witnessing my living room curtains swell and billow like a giant angry mouth.

- Washing hair with conditioner - only conditioner.

- Washing body with shampoo -  shower gel is for the awake.

- Forgetting my baby's name.  Probably the reason he isn't sleeping through the night (early trauma).

- Calling other babies by my baby's name (they all look the same at the age right?)

- The classic: waking in a panic that I've dropped/ rolled on my baby.

- Variation on the classic: sleep falling into my bed and then waking to the surprise that I'm not in my nursing chair. Cue 'where is my baby?!' panic.

- Putting on muddy boots instead of slippers

- Alternating between shoving dry laundry into the peg pouch and dropping pegs into the laundry basket.  A spacial conundrum I can assure you.

- Discovering three breast pads in my nursing top.  Do not fear - still only two breasts.


From the mundane (cereal packets being put in crockery cupboards and bank cards left in pin readers) to the absurd  (searching for lost pieces of a baby's soul), it seems we all have our fair share of sleep induced mix ups.  I draw comfort from Shakespeare here.  In the words of The Bard: 'These woes shall serve for sweet discourses in our days to come'.  Well said Romeo. Now get ye to bed before you go and do something stupid like murder yourself over the sleeping body of your wife.